Our Christmas Experience...

Merry Christmas from Shanghai…

I understand I can be verbose. That’s OK. If you care to read on, hopefully it will be worth it.

Being away from all our children for the first time since we combined our families 15 years ago, we’ve been trying to figure out how to best honor this holiday season. We’ve chosen a couple of activities that we felt would be meaningful and fun. By sharing these with you, it is simply to provide background to explain some heart-warming (and heart-wrenching) experiences we had today.

It is Saturday, December 17. Like many of you, for us, this is one of the last big days of preparation before Christmas.

One of the activities we’ve chosen is to hold an American-style Christmas party on Christmas Day for the many friends who have helped us through this year and have been a part of our experience so far. We’ve decided that we will only invite our Chinese friends – no Americans or other foreigners. Some of these friends you’ve already heard of. For example, in attendance will be King, our English speaking taxi driving friend and his wife and baby. King was literally a Godsend at a time when we really needed his help. Li Jing, our 22 year old friend with Down Syndrome and his entire family will also be in attendance – he has brought joy to our lives and helps remind us of our son Brig. Bryan Ma and Joanna Cai, my two trusty cohorts at work and their respective spouses will be here, along with about 25 elderly English students from the retirement community where Monique volunteers teaching English. We’ll also see Sissy, a college Co-ed who attends college across the street from our compound and who teaches Monique Chinese, as well as Henry and Phoebe, two of Monique’s friends who do her hair and nails respectively. Additionally, loyal Mr. Pan who recently has started driving for us will be here with his family, along with a bevy of others who have been kind and supportive of us during this past year.

Our goal is not only to “thank” these wonderful friends, but also to give them a peek at what a true American Christmas party is like, and to learn a little about baby Jesus, Santa, and that little kid who keeps drumming. They are all so excited and intrigued. It will be fun to watch as they are exposed to stuff they wouldn’t normally see or taste. Other than egg nog (which is virtually impossible to find here, and which we don’t dare try to make from scratch) we anticipate many of the things you’d normally see at a party in the States. Hot apple cider, hot chocolate, some American meatballs (OK, they actually came from IKEA, so not technically “American”), fruits, a veggie tray with Ranch dip, home-made Christmas cookies of all sorts and crackers and a cheese-ball (Yes, Monique is a cheese-ball, but we’re also serving the other kind). We’ll teach a couple of Christmas carols and try to sing them together, and have each family get a family photo taken in front of our Christmas tree. I think it will be fun.

So what’s so interesting about this? As I write this our Ayi, Xiao Ni (remember the pronunciation: shout without the “T”, and knee as in “knee”) is downstairs with Monique learning how to make your standard American Christmas Sugar Cookie. It is a HOOT. Once again, these two women who don’t speak each other’s language are somehow communicating about how to make the cookie dough, how to roll it out “just so” adding flour so it won’t stick to the weird rolling-pin thing, then using cookie cutters to cut the cookies. Xiao Ni hasn’t ever seen a snowman, seldom seen the shape of a Christmas tree, and couldn’t figure out what the bell shaped thing was (it was a bell - grin). Xiao Ni is having a blast, LOVES the taste of the cookies (we had to scold her for eating too many of the product), and it is hilarious to see her with flour all over her. As you watch these two women, you can sense the love they share. Funny how something as mundane as baking cookies can bring two people from WORLDS apart (not just in terms of distance) together in a bond of friendship. We will never forget our wonderful friend Xiao Ni.

This is also very meaningful to Monique on a couple of levels, not the least of which is that, were it not for Xiao Ni, Monique’s annual tradition of baking cookies with a mother, sister or daughter would have been passed by this year. She reported to me that she’s been doing this with one of the above cookie-making partners every year for over 40 years. More poignant is the sense of awe and wonder Xiao Ni exudes as she learns these little things. Even as I write this, I hear the two of them downstairs giggling over something. Who says you have to learn a language to communicate?

So that was the heart-warming part…

Like many of you, one of the other activities we’ve decided to do is to try to help some of the VERY poor families in the neighborhood near our home. We’ve gotten to know these families as we’ve driven through on our electric scooters. We’ve taken the opportunity to get to know them, to be in their humble homes and learn about their challenging circumstances.

One family we’ve become friends with is the Jia family. Despite the “one child” policy, Mr. and Mrs. Jia have a total of SIX children, ranging from 24 years old down to 8 years old. The oldest two have married and moved out. The remaining family members live a stone’s throw down the street from a stinky plastic recycling plant in a one-room concrete home lined with bunk beds and a table with a small gas stove. Their numerous belongings are stacked here and there – pretty much NO room to sit, other than the beds. They moved to Shanghai from central China in the hopes of making more money.

The Jia’s are members of a local Christian church and are strong believers. Mr. Jia – in his late 50’s – is a cook in the cafeteria of the local elementary school. His wife works in a nearby factory. Their 19 year old daughter dropped out of High School a couple of years ago to help earn extra income for the family.

We were in their home tonight trying to tactfully assess what their family might need. Over and over again this stoic couple stated that God has treated them so well, and that their cozy home is a blessing beyond belief – they really have need of nothing, and it truly felt that way. As we spoke, we were introduced to Mrs. Jia’s older sister who just moved from their ancestral home in central China. Her husband recently died and Mrs. Jia felt her sister should be closer to family. She moved into another shanty across the pathway from the Jia’s.

No sooner had older sister returned to her “house”, we learned why Mrs. Jia REALLY wanted her sister to move to Shanghai, and – unfortunately – I learned the Chinese word for Leukemia. Sister is dying from Leukemia but does not even know it. Doctors diagnosed her, and told Mrs. Jia, but did not tell older sister. They’re afraid to tell her. The family cannot afford the medications that might help her, so the best they can do is have her take herbal medicines in the hope that the symptoms will be lessened and the pain will be eased. Mrs. Jia did not ask for “things” or even for money – for her OR her sister. With true faith, she simply asked that we pray for her sister. “With God, all things are possible. He can heal my sister.” And she meant it. The family believes that as Sister learns to believe in God, she will be healed. Of course, with the government’s request that we not discuss religion, all we could do was smile and agree. We understand in one way or another she WILL be healed.

As we departed this sweet couple’s tiny home and started to say our goodbye’s Mrs. Jia and Monique fell into each other’s arms, tearfully parting – knowing what each other was saying, without understanding the words that were being said. We’re not yet sure how we can help this family. Sometimes God places people in positions to help, and THAT is how he creates miracles. We hope that we can find a way to help this miracle come about. Regardless, in the end Mrs. Jia’s faithful approach underscores what this season was originally intended to convey. The heart-wrenching story of older sister’s dubious future – and younger sister’s love and resolve, somehow strengthens our own love and resolve.

In our desire to give, we have unwittingly become recipients of a priceless gift and lesson.

It is our holiday wish that each of you might have similar experiences that bring us all to a deeper understanding of what this season is all about.

Merry Christmas.

Sheng Dan Kuai Le.

Jay and Mo