Chinese Brigham - Part 2

Wow – Where to start?

As you may know several weeks ago we bumped into an amazing 23 year old young man with Down Syndrome named Li Jing. Fortunately he and I exchanged cell phone numbers. From that short exchange Li Jing’s father was able to contact me and invite Monique and I to dinner. It is Sunday evening and we’ve just returned from their home where we spent the last 5 hours or so. I don’t really think that words can express the surreal, uplifting and eye-opening experience we’ve just had – but I will try.

We’ve been waiting for this visit for over a week. We’ve never really been invited as a formal guest into the home of a Chinese family and did not know what to expect. Yesterday we made a special trip to the fruit stand and with the laborious help of the fruit-stand guys we hand-picked some of the best and most expensive fruits we could find and had them specially wrapped as a guest gift. We’re pretty much novices at this, but we felt that a wide assortment of special fruits would be a safe bet. Fearing that we may be stuck in some awkward moments of inability to communicate, Monique also brought her Ukulele – music has an amazing way to cut tension and is sort of a universal language.

First, let me say that since I met Li Jing (and knowing the cultural lack of acceptance of “retarded” people on the part of the Chinese), I have felt that Li Jing’s parents – whoever they are – must be heroes. After meeting them, I find they are much more than that.

When we arrived we met an unusually attractive family. Li Jing’s dad is Li Yong, a very handsome man in his mid-to-late 40’s. His mother is similarly pretty and appears to be in her late 30’s but is probably older. Although neither of them speak English, Li Jing’s younger 20 year old sister can speak English very well and when I was unable to understand she would translate for all of us. We were ushered into the living room – somewhat sparsely furnished by western standards, but beautifully decorated with traditional Chinese wooden furniture and artwork. The coffee table was completely full of fruits and chocolates and Chinese snacks of all sorts – including a special “candy” made specifically by Li Jing’s grandmother for this occasion. This yummy black candy could be most similarly associated with something like peanut brittle, although made of sesame seeds and not as much “brittle”. It was clear that the entire family was proud of grandma’s sesame brittle – and appropriately so.

After initial introductions to the above mentioned family members, as well as being re-introduced to Li Jing’s Auntie – she was the one we first met at Wal-Mart with Li Jing – the conversation naturally gravitated to Li Jing who was basking in the moment. As we would learn, pretty much from the time he met us until this afternoon, Li Jing has been talking about us. All day today he has been waiting for us to arrive. Why the immediate connection with us? At first I did not know, but we soon came to understand.

Li Jing’s family is not originally from Shanghai. Li Jing was born in a less developed province called Zhejiang. When Li Jing was born many people ridiculed his family and they knew that raising Li Jing there would be difficult. Fearing some of the inevitable further ridicule Li Jing would experience, instead of putting him in public school, Li Jing’s mom hired a special teacher to come into their home and for 7 years he was home schooled in all the standard topics. He quickly excelled in speaking, reading and writing Chinese. He was also taught singing, math, science and other “normal” topics as well as appropriate manners, how to address elders, etc. After the addition of their daughter and 10 years, Dad (Li Yong) determined that in the best long-term interests of Li Jing, the family would relocate to Shanghai. Since here, Li Yong has become CEO of one of China’s up-and-coming Wind-Turbine companies, as well as starting two import-export companies, the revenues of which are intended to take care of Li Jing when he gets older.

As we spent a little more time with Li Jing we are amazed at the EXACT similarities to Brigham’s behavior and movements. For example he wants to show off a little so he goes to the piano and plays two songs – both self-taught. The first one is Happy Birthday To You, which he sings in English. The other is an older Chinese song which comes from his Mom’s era, which he sings in Chinese. He doesn’t just plunk out the notes, he plays full chords, etc. with both hands. After singing them once he wants to go again and the family has to interrupt him and tell him that once is enough.  “Just once more?” he says.  Can’t you just hear Brig saying that?

Li Jing’s body movements and facial gestures and even the way he sits and the way he talks (even though in Chinese) are eerily similar – no “the same” – as Brigham. More than once Monique and I catch glances with each other as to say “can you believe this?”  Li Jing is then invited to show us his Chinese Kung Fu moves. His movements are precise and well-rehearsed. We learn that every day at 6:30 pm he practices these moves in front of the mirror in his bedroom. No one else requires this of him, it is just what he wants to do. Many of you may not know that for a long time Brigham would dress up in a suit daily and practice the National Anthem for hours at a time in front of the mirror in his bathroom.

Monique pulls out the Ukulele and sings a couple of songs to Li Jing, including Happy Birthday To You – which Li Jing chimes in on in English. Later Monique lets him try to play. It is clear that he has a natural love of, and instinct for music. But more shocking to us was that as he tried to manipulate the strings of the Ukulele we see Brigham’s “face of concentration” on Li Jing’s face - complete with the way he held his eyes and mouth. Seriously, it was almost like some sort of movie where the spirit of one person embodies that of another. We are both deeply moved.

I can no longer hold it in. Turning to the parents I simply say “We believe there is a God in heaven who creates His children here on earth. I don’t know how or why, but your son is the exact image and character of our son in the US. It is almost as though God created two perfect twins and placed one in America and one here in China. I don’t think that our having met you was a coincidence.”  The parents are clearly touched and share the same sentiment. Then out of nowhere we are all interrupted by Li Jing who says matter-of-factly: “I am God’s special child and was sent here to bring happiness to my family. I am an angel of God.”

Gulp.

I spy Monique who’s eyes have welled up with tears.  I am stunned. I look over at Li Jing who is speaking as clear and matter-of-fact as you can imagine. Suspecting that Li Jing knows more, I lean over to Li Jing and in a whisper I say “Do you know some things that you can’t share with us?”, to which he responds “God told me some secrets that I am not allowed to tell any of you”.  Whew. We’re in China. Belief in God is outlawed here. Yet out of the mouths of babes….

I’m awe-struck and don’t know where to go from here. Technically, we shouldn’t discuss religion in this communist country – but then I reason that we’re not talking about any given “religion”, we’re just talking about God and who can formally deny the existence of God anyway? Especially coming from Li Jing?  In English I tell Li Jing’s sister that I sense there is something unusually special about Li Jing and she responds by telling me that the entire extended family has always known this. She too thinks that Li Jing is God’s angel sent to help others know how to act and be.

I reflect on an experience I had when I was newly married. We were living for a short while in Washington DC as I participated in a Governmental internship. While there we attended a congregation in which there was a young man with Down Syndrome. From the very first day we attended there he was our fast friend, sitting with us during the Sacrament and generally being our friend. I felt a little weird at first, but enjoyed it. I frequently wondered “why us?”  Later in life, after Brig was born I frequently had the secret thought that I – and many of us – have been admitted to an almost secret society that are somehow attuned to “special” souls. I’m not sure what might entitle one to such admission, but many times I’ve sorta thought that the young man from DC somehow recognized me as a team member – a safe person.  After today, that sense is rekindled. As far as I am concerned, today we were blessed to witness nothing short of a miracle. Apparently there really ARE angels sent from God to help others on earth. Would Li Jing lie?

Well, even aside from these amazing experiences, we also experienced other one-of-a-kind experiences that (by now) sort of pale in comparison. For example:

-          We experience one of the most close-knit family situations we’ve ever experienced. Sister is fully engaged with the family, clearly loved by mom and dad, and completely obedient to Mom’s rule of no dating until she is 22 (even though we sense she wishes they’d let up a little bit). Auntie, who was recently divorced has been brought into the family and is not only being helped by her big brother, but is returning that help in ways only she can provide. Mom is completely there for everyone and loves her role as “Mom”, dad is an honorable loving dad and husband, respecting the women in his life and CLEARLY loving Li Jing – in their relationship I see a mirror of my own relationship with my son Brig;

-          We are invited to the family’s “other” home, which doubles as their company office and kitchen/eating area. We are toured through the offices and proudly told of their efforts to take care of Li Jing in the future. We learn that the family actually owns a third home which they rent out to another company for additional income for Li Jing.

-          We enjoy an amazing traditional Chinese multicourse meal that would take an entire separate message to try to describe. Duck, mushrooms, rice noodles, cow tongue, pork rind, flounder, sweet rice cakes, lotus root. Some good, some fall into the category of “at least I’ve tried it”. During this meal Li Jing offers us a toast to our health.

-          Despite our protestations, when we leave we are given a 10-year old bottle of Chinese Moutai – China’s most expensive and prestigious type of alcohol. This type of gift is literally the gift of royalty. Although I don’t drink alcohol and clearly explain this several times, Li Yong for some reason wants to honor us in the best way he knows how, and this is the only way he knows. I protest at first, but then the spirit whispers to me that he “needs” to make this offering and that by rejecting it – even if for reasons that seems appropriate to me – the bigger sin is in the rejecting rather than the accepting. We ultimately accept it humbly, knowing that there is some deep sense of connection that drives his behavior and we are grateful for the connection.

Wondering why these unique experiences just keep piling up, but not complaining. I have learned more about spiritual things in the last 3 months than in the previous 3 decades. Despite some admittedly difficult life events over the last couple of years, it has become clear to both Monique and I that these were merely preparatory to some of our recent experiences. Without having endured what we “thought” to be tough things, the things we experience now would never have been so sweet. And we are grateful.