Chinese Brigham

As you know, the Chinese have a “one-child-policy”.  Although it should have been foreseeable, the unintended results have two edges. First, couples carefully plan for when (not if) they will have their baby. The family is ensconced as a unique and wonderful thing. I have never heard someone say “you know, I just don’t think I want to have a child”. Any woman who is pregnant acquires almost celebrity status. At work, I’ve seen this work out in interesting ways where pregnant women sometimes play their pregnancy to their advantage and may delicately indicate that “I think I might be a little more comfortable in the nice cube by the window with Comrade Chen’s comfortable chair”. Everyone agrees. It is a great time for women, as well as for men. Couples SEEK having children and are grateful for the day when it is their turn. Anyone who is lucky enough to get twins is doubly blessed.

Now imagine when, after all the planning, preparation and excitement your ONLY child is less-than-perfect. Perhaps he or she is deaf or blind, or has some deformity, or perhaps Down Syndrome (or in very rural and superstitious areas – a girl). What would you do? Unfortunately the vast majority (dare I say “almost all”?) Chinese will abandon their child at an orphanage and try again. With no child on record as theirs, they still have an opportunity for that coveted healthy baby. Regardless, they would CERTAINLY never take their child out in public. With the exception of babies from the orphanage that we have recently connected with, in the entire time we have been here neither of us has ever seen any “less-than-perfect” child – until Monday Night.  Let me introduce you to “Chinese Brigham”

Mo and I were at Wal-Mart getting her glasses repaired and picking up some items before the standard Saturday afternoon Wal-Mart mob scene. While shuffling through the meat section, separated by freezer chests, out of nowhere Monique fairly shrieks “HE HAS DOWN SYNDROME”. I look over to see her racing after a woman with a young man walking with that familiar Down Syndrome gait. Of course Mo doesn’t speak Chinese, so is trying to get this woman’s attention in English. Wasn’t working. I hustle over and arrive just as Mo taps the woman on the shoulder and points kindly at her son. You can imagine that along with the tendency to throw these children away also comes the tendency to be fairly cruel towards them, and it was obvious on the frightened but defensive look on this woman’s face that she has had her fair share of such demeaning treatment.

I don’t know how to say anything CLOSE to Down Syndrome or Trisomy 21 or Genetic mutation, etc., so I’m there trying to explain that we have a son like hers. She doesn’t understand. “My son’s face is different, like your son’s”. “My son also has a broken brain, like your son” (OK, it doesn’t translate very nicely – it doesn’t sound that bad in Chinese). Then I realize I have a picture of Brigham on my cell phone, so I quickly pull out my phone trying to navigate to the pictures as quickly as possible.  I finally open a picture of Brig and she finally understands. Joy replaces fear as her whole countenance changes. We are friends.

We learn that we are in the presence of 23 year old Li Jing (Li as in “Lee” and Jing as in “jingle bell”). Li Jing himself tells us in clear Chinese that he has a QQ account (like Facebook) and that he is fully capable of using the computer to navigate the web. Turns out we are not talking to “Mom”, but “Auntie”. Li Jing is her older brother’s son, and she takes him with her shopping on certain evenings. Her brother has treated him very well and works extra hard with him so he will be as normal as possible. She tells us that he can both read and write Chinese (something LOTS of adults never accomplish), and that he has his own cell phone. Li Jing and I exchange cell phone numbers.

I look over and find Monique is sobbing. She misses Brigham and loves Li Jing instantly. Chinese Brigham sees this and naturally opens his arms to give her a hug. Waterworks. He is as naturally sweet as any child with Down Syndrome you have ever met. For the record, I did NOT hear Chinese Brigham say that Monique is “ravishing” as American Brigham would have. Well, by now the meat section of Wal-Mart is an interesting scene. Most folks have never seen a kid with Down Syndrome, and some are still caught off-guard seeing foreigners – imagine seeing foreigners hugging the reviled “retard”. Lots of stares going on there.  By the way, Li Jing doesn’t even notice we are foreigners. Could have predicted that.

I ask Auntie if we can take a picture with Li Jing, and she is hesitant. We hear of horrible despicable things that happen to children like this, where bad people steal them to make them beg on their behalf. I understand her fears and explain that we want to send Li Jing’s picture to our family, especially to Brig. In doing so I pull the picture out again and she notices that the picture I’ve shown of Brigham is with the President of the US. She is astounded, asking repeatedly if that’s really our son with the President. I assure her it is, and that one day maybe Chinese Brigham will meet Chinese President. She is moved.

Monique wants to capture the moment – I’m glad she thought of it, I would have forgotten – so she snaps a photo. Unfortunately, the most touching scenes of Mo and Chinese Brig were not captured by photograph. I’m a loser! High fives (sort of) and a couple more hugs and we go our separate ways. Not sure if they were as moved as we were, but desirous that maybe we brought a little ray of hope into Auntie’s world. Chinese Brigham doesn’t need the ray of hope. He IS the ray of hope.

Love to all.

Jay and Mo