All –
As you know, prior to my leaving for China Monique and I had hoped to gather us all together for what may be one of the last complete family gatherings we’ll all be able to enjoy for some time. While that may seem a little melodramatic, think about it. As our family grows and changes - adding spouses, adding babies, moving away, having jobs that limit our ability to travel – it will become increasingly difficult to get ALL of us together in one place at one time, especially to get together for a meaningful visit of more than just an afternoon or evening.
In the end, primarily as a result of the winter storm we experienced at Thanksgiving, we were unable to accomplish some of the things we had hoped to. We had hoped to bring the family together in a somewhat remote environment for a couple of days so we (each of you) could take the time to really connect with each other. Furthermore, I had personally hoped to be able to visit with each of you individually to provide some fatherly wisdom and express my love for you. Alas (and perhaps fortunately) that was not to be.
As the Christmas holiday approaches and I am here in Shanghai alone (for now), a small whispering encourages me to once again attempt to share some important feelings and patriarchal advice and direction. I trust that you will receive it in the spirit that it is offered.
Each of you has been reared in a home in which the Gospel of Jesus Christ was central. Accordingly, each of you has been offered the opportunity to embrace those teachings, or to simply acknowledge them, or - for that matter - to reject them outright. Both Monique and I are converts and were blessed with the opportunity to sample life without the gospel so that when it was presented to us we could easily recognize its truths and allow them to sink deep into our hearts. We recognize the difference the gospel makes in our lives and we are ever grateful for that difference.
Each of you has walked a different path. Your understanding of and approach to the gospel is based on your own experiences. Some of you have embraced the gospel as we have always hoped you would. Others have not, and still others are on the brink. Regardless of where you stand, we love each of you for the great and powerful individuals you are. At the same time, as parents we have a yearning that each of you might recognize the wonders that Monique and I each recognized when the gospel came into our lives.
In this darkening world, I invite each of you to find a quiet time to reflect upon your own belief system and consider whether now is the time to make a deeper commitment to the gospel. I’m not talking about the day to day stuff like Church attendance, the Word of Wisdom, or Tithing, etc. Those are outward manifestations of an inner faith. I’m actually talking about the inner faith itself. Regardless of where you stand spiritually at this point in your life, a periodic review is a healthy thing to do. A lot of people spend a lot of time climbing the ladder of life, only to find out it is propped against the wrong wall. Take time to find out which wall your ladder is propped against.
Additionally, and very importantly, I am hopeful that you will each find ways to forgive one another of whatever impediments you may feel. I’m aware of a various spats or feelings of ill-will among some of our family members and have purposely stayed out of those issues. These comments are not directed at any one person or couple. We’ve seen strains in various relationships across the board. Whether you feel you were harmed - or perhaps you may be the one perceived to have committed the harm - please find a way to allow these things to pass and/or to seek forgiveness. Two important things I have learned in life are: 1) There is no “right” or “truth” in these matters, only perceptions; and 2) People seldom purposely go about trying to hurt someone else. In stitching these two principles together, it should be clear that we must individually try to find ways to forgive and to seek forgiveness.
This new chapter in our lives, primarily for Monique and I, forces the rest of you to rely on yourselves and on one another more so than if we remained in the states. Sunday dinners, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., will now be left to you all. I encourage you to develop a tradition of family gatherings. Remember each other’s birthdays. Make a phone call every once in a while. Reach out to one another more frequently. Communicate more fully. Trust more deeply.
Each of you will one day reach a point when you look back and realize there were things that you could have (and should have) done differently. Sadly, life’s experience seldom allows us a “do-over”. I can see with clear understanding some of the things I should have done differently. While I can’t change past actions, I can try to positively impact the overall results as manifested in the way you each live your lives. Cherish the qualities of kindness and mercy and meekness. Be less selfish and more selfless. Reach out to the downtrodden and humble. Don’t worry about making a big splash in the world, but rather seek to guide for good the current of the lives of people around you, such that through your humble influence others will desire to make the world a better place. You may not be personally recognized in the newspaper, but you will make a permanent and positive impact in the lives of many around you – often to a degree that you will never know and wouldn’t believe it if you did.
Finally, I’d like each of you to read this last portion as if I wrote it directly to you personally. As you do so, understand that it IS written to you personally:
I love you, and am proud of you. I had wanted to pull you aside and tell you personally how much I love you and why I love you. I know I am not great at sharing these feelings very frequently, nor very well. Hopefully you already personally know or at least sense my deep love for you.
Additionally, I’m aware of many of the challenges you are going through, and the parts that I don’t completely understand, I can empathize with by virtue of some of my own life’s experiences. Remember that I have been where you are now. For those things that cause you to lose sleep or to lose hope, I say “hang in there, it will get better”. The sun always rises.
In closing, I share with you my belief in a God who cares and who loves us. I declare that the principles of the Gospel (the inner faith that I spoke of) will bring lasting peace to your soul, and through your peaceful lives, will bring solace and hope to those around you.
Inasmuch as this letter is written not only to you, but to your spouse/significant other – please be sure to share this with them.
I love you,
Jay, Pops, Dad, Papo, Daddy, etc.
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